Gender things

I think the only real negative point about the whole trans thing, for me, is how robbed I feel. Like, forget about the family and their reactions, it’s not like I didn’t know I needed to put some distance between us before I could build my own life (for reasons that aren’t entirely related to me being trans).

The real disgrace here is that I spent twenty seven freaking years wondering when my life would really start. Twenty seven years of hating the person I was without knowing why, twelve years (at least) of being unable to see my face in the mirror without feeling like I was doomed to an empty life, doomed to never be an adequate woman.

I mean, I’m trying to make my peace with it, and honestly just *knowing* what the next step is made such a fucking difference to my mental health I don’t even know how to describe it (I used to think I didn’t suffer from dysphoria, and then thinking of myself as a trans guy lifted like, 70% of it away). The fact remains, though, that I’m 27 and I feel like I’m at the emotional equivalent of being on the edge of puberty, with a solid two-three years between me and being 99% the person I want to be and I’m just.

If there is an afterlife, when I get there, I’m demanding a refund.