The lull after hard work

[terresdebrume]

One thing I’m starting to understand as I try to (very slowly) work on a co-writing project about a fandom I’m currently into (yes, it is Good Omens, how did you guess) after spending seven months working on the same fic and spend my days at work alternating between long stretches of intense focus and moments when I can’t stomach the thought of doing anything remotely intellectually challenging, is that I seem to be a very start and stop sort of person/content creator.

I don’t think it’s that unique a thing, really. It’s just that it’s taken me this long to start realizing that I need periods of being a consumer in between bouts of being a creator, which is possibly a bit of an ill-timed realization when you’ve just agreed to co-write a story, but I’m fortunate to have a patient co-author, so it’s okay.

 

 

Of course, there’s just a bit of irony in having this realization and immediately writing a blog post about it x) It’s kind of different though, I think? In that...this isn’t really creating, more like reflecting. Taking the time to look back and assess what just happened because I haven’t taken the time to do much of that during the time I was working on Clark Kent, of Kryptonⁱ.

I’m actually really happy about that fic. I mean, sure, I could probably have polished it more but overall, I’m really glad for having written it—for the proof that I can do it, and the satisfaction of having put something of my story into words. Eventually, I’d like to write more explicitly about the experience of being a trans man (as I live it) but this is a start and I’m glad I wrote it. I’m actually having a bit of trouble unpacking this...which is kind of normal, so soon after, I suppose x) I’m very pleased with the review I got so far, because people are absolutely amazing <3 It’s just a little harder to figure out how I feel about it...though that’s not exactly a new problem for me.

 

I think...I think it’s time for me to get back to therapy. I stopped because of financial strain, but between the raise and the change in my spending habits, I should be able to afford it right now, and I think I need it. I’m in the mental space for it, actually, in that I feel like taking the time to be with myself so to speak. Do some internal work so I can put something out in the world afterwards...plus it’s probably a good idea to do that as I start gearing up for the actual start of my name-changing process in January x)

iI’m aware it’s super long but I’m still gonna say you should go read it and make me a happy man, because seven months of work you guys xD (More seriously: obviously, no hard feelings if you don’t, I’m just really proud of my metaphorically trans!Clark story is all :P)