Watching with Fanfan: Shadowhunters

[terresdebrume]

Episode 5: Moo-Shu to go - Part I [Part II]

Another episode, another review, another set of problems…though they’re derived from things we’ve already see in he show so, points for consistency, I suppose?

We’re doing a chronological review this week because it’s the format that works best for me—it allows me to go in-depth about things I notice and explain stuff as I go. Also it’s like typing a giant rant, but in a useful way, which is double he bonus. But enough talking and let’s get on with the reviewing!

On the menu tonight: POV-hopping, fucked-up family dynamics, a continuing war on logic, surprise ableism and my personal favorite: pushing people out of the closet ~for their own good. Sometimes I think I should try watching this show drunk.

The episode opens on Clary and Jace discussing Clary’s vision from the end of last week’s episode and they’re interrupted by Alec. He asks questions to Clary so he can figure out where Valentine is, which makes sense since they’re looking for him…but remember, we hate logic in this show so Jace immediately tells Alec to back off. Because trying to further the plot/mission is only a good thing if it’s done through rash actions of a protagonist, I suppose.

Alec goes on to point out that being emotional doesn’t help—in a poorly phrased way but still—which Clary responds to with yet another allusion to Alec’s feelings for Jace which 1) could lead up to Jace asking questions and Alec being outed so fuck you for that, Clary, 2) Further contributes to having Alec’s homosexuality as a storyline without uttering the word, because that would hurt or something, and 3) is both irrelevant right now (Alec’s sexuality, that is. His emotions did lead to the big fuck up of last week) and hypocritical given that Alec has a point and is trying to find Jocelyn.

Aren’t we starting this tremendously well?

Alec mentions it’s his job to protect the Institute and that if Valentine can see Clary through the necklace then there’s a danger he could use it (to spy on what’s going on inside, for example) so he needs to neutralize that threat. Which makes sense, but Clary & Jace’s reaction clearly frame that as his being an ass because, again, we hate logic and by extension, Alec too.

Jace suggests using the necklace to spy on Valentine, Alec points out that might be exactly Valentine’s plan and locks the necklace away while Clary backs up Jace’s idea. (Side note: given Clary’s track record up until now, I’m surprised Alec lets her see where he puts the necklace, but okay). There’s a short exchange about Simon’s rescue and then:

Alec: Valentine is a real threat. He can’t be handled by three-and-a-half Shadowhunters.

Clary: Four.

I mean, leaving aside the fact that Clary has Super Speshul protagonists powers (by which I mean contrived writing) I would really appreciate it if we could stop the back and forth on her ability. This far, every time Clary fucks up she’s quick to say she’s been raised as a mundane and has no training, which is true and makes sense…but then as soon as she succeeds she’s a full-fledged Shadowhunter because genetics. Or something.

This is a very, very convenient way of not holding her responsible for anything she did wrong and always framing her as having the moral high ground, since her fuck-ups aren’t her fault but that of her lack of training. I guess at least nobody’s blaming Jocelyne for it yet.

Cut to Clary after this exchange, moping about Alec’s decision. She’s joined by Izzy who’s here to comfort her and starts this by…stating she’s wanted to kill Alec many times over the years.

Isabelle: Look, I know my brother can be a real pain in the ass, but he means well. That necklace is very dangerous.

I mean, it’s nice that Isabelle is supporting Alec but having her go for ‘he’s a pain’ doesn’t really sell that. It’s not exactly outstanding support right there, honestly.

Clary states that she’ll take the risk on her own, Isabelle goes “yeah but you’re part of us now so you can’t be alone” and look, I don’t understand why we’re having this argument again.

Clary can’t be left alone. She has at least three separate entities that want her because of her link to the Mortal Cup (that’s to say the Circle, the Clave, and the Dumort’s vampires) and she’s an 18year old girl with the survival skills of a poodle and the emotional stability of a weather wane. There is no way she’ll survive all this without protection and only people from the Shadow World can give it to her.

And the only reason that’s not an argument that people actually use to convince Clary is so we can have some cheap, mostly fake drama about Clary’s newfound status as a Shadowhunter because, like the book, this show thinks that bloodlines and genetics trump upbringing, background, and your entire life, basically.

Clary and Isabelle continue to talk about Jocelyn, and Clary uses the past tense for…reasons?

I mean, she was talking about her mother in the present tense since the beginning of the series while she thought Jocelyn might be dead, and ow that it’s confirmed Jo is alive, Clary starts speaking about her in the past tense?

Clary: She basically sacrificed her life for me.

She’s not freaking dead, Clary, quit acting like she is!

Anyway, the conversation continues, praising Jocelyn to high heavens (perfect mom, perfect best friend…it’s a huge progress from the needlessly conflicted relationship of the books, but we’re kinda getting too far there) which isn’t foreshadowing for Maryse’ introduction at all, right?

Honestly the only perk of this scene is I get to see Clizzy hand holding (if only that could be the case every week, it’d be perfect).

Anyway, following this totally-not-foreshadowing, we cut to Isabelle implying Alec acted like a butt (“He flew right by you and did what he wanted? I’d be angry too”) and then implying Alec was…idk, trying to ogle Valentine or something. I mean, I assume it’s meant as a joke but the timing is 100% inappropriate tbh. Great job supporting your brother Izzy. It’s nice to see you only do that occasionally.

Cue Maryse portaling into the Institute and open with this charming line:

Maryse: Isabelle. Dressed to impressed I see. And you’ve been playing with the family heirlooms.

Which is a very, very efficient way of establishing several things at once:

1. Maryse is going to be the hardass, unfair, unlikeable mother type (aka the opposite of that nice Jocelyn portrait we got a few minutes ago).


2. Even Izzy’s mother slut shames her, because nothing says family love like shitting on your own children (and nothing says Shadowhunters Chronicles like shitting all over the Lightwoods)


3. Further confirmation that this show couldn’t give less of a fuck about its female characters (Also Izzy’s necklace as a Lightwood heirloom? Still doesn’t make sense within show!context.)

Clary introduces herself as Clary Fray and gets a “Clary Fairchild” in return, as if I needed any more reason to dislike show!Maryse on sight. I mean, Clary has a lot of things to work on including selective memory but I’m pretty sure she knows her name, Maryse.

Idris is mentioned (and we finally get a vague explanation of what it is) then Izzy asks for news of Max, who is introduced much earlier than he was in the books. Given his storyline, this is a good thing, it means we’ll have time to get to know him and therefore care when we reach the climax of his presence in the show. (Although the comparison with Simon is icky, both because I hate Simon and because Izzy has had quite a bit of romantic setup with Simon already. I know there were incesty lines in canon but it doesn’t mean we have to add some in the show, thank you very much.)

Maryse asks where Jace is because she has a Situation then shoves Izzy out of the way and leaves.

Cut to Jace training with that demultiplying effect I really, really dislike (it gives me headaches tbh). I assume he’s doing some form of Kata, but for once admiring Jace is not the point (shocking, I know).

The point is actually to move on to a shot of Maryse watching Jace with an admiring & approving face while Clary & Isabelle walk up behind her.

Clary: Is your mom always like that? She didn’t even hug you?

Izzy: Shadowhunters aren’t big huggers.

Maryse: -Gives Jace a big hug-

Just in case you were still confused as to who was really supposed to be your fave. Good thing Clary is the protagonist, isn’t it?

(FYI: Isabelle looks understandably crushed and someone needs to give her a hug, but we’re not lingering on that because…her emotions don’t count yet? Maybe they will once she’s pining for Simon, who knows)

Jace asks where Max is, Izzy tells him Max stayed in Idris (not in so many words) and Clary gives Jace a vaguely passive-aggressive line about not mentioning the “hidden brother” and the “private portal”. Leaving aside the fact that neither of these information were things Clary was entitled to know, we’re also not going to address either of them because it’s not like the viewers could be interested in how Shadowhunters have a thing that only warlocks can make. Fans never care about worldbuilding, it is known.

Enter Alec, who greets Maryse with a “mother” and gets the kind of kiss I give my dad when I’m pissed at him. Better than what Izzy gets, but nowhere near what Poster Boy got, let’s be honest.

Alec: I didn’t expect you [Mother]

Maryse: You should be prepared, whether you expect me or not

Alec: I am. [shuffles, looks at the ground] We are.

Screams of family love. I mean, alright, they supposedly come from a warrior society so Maryse getting straight to business makes sense, it’s just that it doesn’t exactly prevent her from smiling you know? It is a thing that exists.

Anyway, the situation is the seelies have stopped talking to the Clave & Maryse assume it’s because they’ve been asked to send scouts to Valentine’s lair. Which begs the question: if nobody knows where Valentine is, how did the Clave manage to send scouts to his lair? And conversely, if the Clave knows Valentine is hidden in Chernobyl (which, btw, looks nothing like what the show gives us) how come Alec and the others didn’t hear about it?

Of course, maybe the faeries found Valentine on their own and they’ve just now decided to withdraw the information from the Clave by ceasing all communication, but either way it doesn’t sound like a very smart move.

Isabelle points out that she has seelie friends (aka Meliorn) and Maryse gives her a pointed barb. I appreciate that Alec’s reaction shot looks uncomfy about the remark, even if he doesn’t speak up (I understand why, given that he’s standing at attention for his mother, but it’s still frustrating).

Maryse scolds Isabelle for mingling with the Seelies (who, by the way, she describes more like enemies than allies) and borderline implies maybe it’s Izzy’s fault the Seelies decided to stop talking with the Clave. Yes, really.

Jace: Wait, I don’t understand, you’re laying all of this on Izzy for having a friend in the downworld?

Maryse: When someone upsets the natural order, everything falls apart.

Congratulation on joining the racists’ club, Maryse.

Clary is shocked by the exchange, which I would put more stock in if she’d been a little more shaken back when she killed a vampire—or if she’d given a single fuck about the dead warlocks from last week—but hey. At least she’s picking up on the racist, even if it’s terribly convenient that she only remembers that tiny moral detail when confronted to a character we’re supposed to dislike.

Izzy says she can help because she knows how to talk to Seelies, and Alec supports her, even offers to go with her. Miracle of miracles, this doesn’t lead to Izzy’s idea being discredited on principles, but Maryse decides to send Jace with Izzy instead.

Maryse: Alec, you stay with the Fairchild girl, she’s caused enough trouble already.

Yeah, apparently it’s just a way to ground Alec by assigning him babysitting duty. Not that Clary doesn’t need a guardian because she totally does, but the way Maryse frames it as a punishment while Clary is there in the room is pretty rude, let’s be honest.

Anyway, Clary points out she’s only learned about the Shadow World a few days ago (see what I meant about her changing her mind whenever it’s convenient?), Maryse replies with a cutting remark—she’s right, too, but given that she’s been introduced as 'hey look who’s there to be a mean antagonist’ I guess we’re supposed to feel shocked and betrayed at the repartee.

Maryse reminds everyone that the Clave counts on the Lightwoods to protect the Institute (apparently the dozens of other Shadowhunters in the place don’t count, I guess. Unless someone decided this military-like structure should inherit its titles but frankly, that wouldn’t make much more sense) Alec says he knows and also that he’d prefer to go with Izzy if the mission is important.

Maryse: You are all so eager to do what you would prefer, it’s time to face the truth, life is not about what you want to do, it’s about what must be done. I have given you your assignments, now carry them out.

I mean. It makes sense for Maryse to say this, we did get a strong hint of the Clave & Institute being a military structure throughout the beginning of the series (and Alec’s persona being 'I have to report this’, too) but the logical conclusion from that would be to also scold Jace who has done nothing but what he wanted in those four episodes, constantly dismissed Alec’s advice and opinions, repeatedly broke the rules and put Clary at highly unnecessary risks.

Except of course, unlike the Lightwoods, Jace is a protagonist, which means he doesn’t have to face consequences of any sort for anything. Because of course.

All of this is followed by a big, dramatic #MARYSEOUT, which leaves Clary alone with Alec.

Clary: Well that was a window into the weird. What did you do to piss off your mom?

I might be wrong on the 'you’ inflection but if I’m not it’s implying Clary knows what Izzy did to piss off Maryse (aka: have a sex life) and doesn’t exactly disapprove. Not that she hasn’t participated in slut shaming before but you know. Worth pointing out.

Either way, Alec replies to that by pointing out that maybe all the running around after Clary and deliberate rule breaking didn’t go over too well with the Clave (he calls them mission, which makes everything sound more official & organized than it really was tbh). He then does a dramatic exit while Clary looks…vaguely chastised, maybe?

Cut to the NYPD building where Luke is being told off by Alaric for neglecting his police work. Turns out the victims of demonic murders (from Ep 1) were all treated for undefined mental health problems because they were Mundanes who could see the Shadow World.

Shadowhunters is now officially dabbling with the (general) theme of mental illness. With a track record like theirs, I’m sure it’s bound to go amazingly well.

In fact, it’s gonna go over so well, Luke’s first thought is that Valentine is “experimenting again, just like the old days”. Luke assumes Valentine was trying to raise an army until he found Jocelyn and Clary but now he’s just after the Mortal Cup. (I think there’s a mention of a sword in there, which might be the mortal sword, but I can’t remember if it’s linked to anything we’ve seen in the show so far tbh.)

Luke says he needs to find Clary, Alaric says Luke must focus on his police work and that the order comes from 'higher than Alaric’. Which implies Luke isn’t the alpha of his pack yet, which is pretty good because it means he didn’t murder two people just so he could stalk Jocelyn across an ocean. Finally, a good change.

Cut to Clary as she sketches valentine somewhere in the Institute, and then cut again to Jace and Alec walking through the Institute.

Jace: you’re the acting head of this Institute, there’s a diplomatic mission you should go, let’s just switch assignments.

Alec: No, this time I’m actually gonna obey orders and babysit your girlfriend.

Jace: Clary? She’s more like my responsibility.

I don’t even know where to start here, honestly so I’ll go back to a tool that served me pretty well during my reviews/rants of the Bane Chronicles: the bullet list.

• Jace has been ignoring everything Alec had to say for four episode straights but now he remembers Alec is supposed to be in a position of authority. I’m sure the fact that switching tasks would allow him to stay with Clary is completely accidental you guys. He’s not thinking with his dick at all there, absolutely not.


• Not, not even if you remember the part of episode three in which Jace literally threw Clary in a vampire’s arm just so he could act like a jealous boyfriend (and steal a bike because…er…rule of cool?)


• It makes no sense for Alec to be the acting head of the Institute, honestly? I mean, even aged up he’s only twenty—maybe twenty-one—and we’ve seen that there are older, more experienced Shadowhunters in the Institute that would be better suited to the job. Even if, as someone told me, you assume that the Lightwoods are like the Insitute’s royalty, you end up with a system that doesn’t fit your military setting where leaders should be promoted based on field/commanding actions instead of genetics.


• Also randomly assigning Alec as head of the Institute makes it even more egregious for Jace to constantly ignore his instructions and go against what he says. I mean, it’s rude no matter how you look at it, but in a supposed military setting you just don’t dismiss your superior’s orders without consequences. So really, this exchange just reinforces Jace’s Gary Stu status as well as underlining his assholery.


• I really appreciate the disgruntled tone Mathew Daddario used for this line tbh. It helps underlining how done he is with this hypocrisy which, honestly, I am too.

Anyway, the point of this whole exchange is just so Jace can reiterate the pressing need for Alec to keep an eye on Clary, Alec responds grumpily and:

Jace: What is wrong with you?

Alec: I uh…you have every right to be mad at me

Jace: What did you do? Put my leather jacket in the washing machine again?

But of course we’re not discussing Alec’s deplorable incompetence with laundry (leather in the machine? Really?) but Alec’s gay freakout from last week, because this franchise will not rest until it has shoved every piece of badly-written queer characters in my face. More seriously, Alec tells Jace he has every right to be mad for the gay freak out and:

Jace, with a confused face: You love me, so? I love you too, Alec. Come on man, we’re parabatai, we’re brothers. We spent our whole life together, how can we not love each other?

And you know, leaving aside that love is not proportional to the amount of time you spend with someone, it’s a pretty realistic and sound reasoning. See, you know your show is written by straight people when the closeted gay character is the one who draws attention to his gay freak out (in a very awkward way, btw) instead of letting it rest, and it’s the straight character who has to go 'meh, who cares’?

I mean. I’ve discussed last week why the freak out in itself makes zero sense no matter how you look at it because it tried to make Alec two different kind of gay guy at once, but. Even if you assume that Alec is the kind of person who is so deep in the closet/in denial that he’d have that kind of freak out (disregarding that it actually puts him in more danger to freak out than to stay silent) why would he draw attention to said freak out later on? “Oh by the way, remember that gay freak out I had the other day? Yeah I get why you’re mad and tbh I feel guilty about it but like, no homo?” Writers, puh-lease.

And alright, maybe some of you are thinking “well, maybe Alec was about to come out of the closet before Jace No Homo’d him there” which, I guess, is a possibility on the writers’ side. Except that would still be a bad writing decision because who goes from freaking out about their sexuality to the point of risking five persons’ lives and then goes on to make their coming out the next day? Where’s the logic? The answer is there is none, because apparently no one on the writing team bothered to try and listen to actual gay people. And now I’m pissed. (Not that it’s going to be the last time where Alec is concerned, but I wanted to mention it.)

I mean. Even Jace thinks the conversation is ridiculous.

The exchange ends on Jace making Alec promise he won’t take his eyes off Clary, hen goes 'I can’t believe I even asked you that, of course you won't” so obviously something is going to go wrong (when do things ever turn out alright for Alec anyway?)

Cut to Simon hanging outside the hotel Dumort, in a night setting (although it was daylight in the Jalec scene from before) and Raphael finding him by accident, and threatens him away from the hotel. Presumably, last week Simon only stared at the building for a while before he left? Or Raphael was on holiday? I mean, otherwise he’d have seen Simon before, probably.

(To be fair, last week Simon was staring at the building from a busy street, now it looks like an empty dump. Different buildings, possibly?)

Cut to Clary (daytime, for some reason. What is it with timelines in this show?) as she trains with a spear. Alec arrives, Clary tells him she thinks Maryse was too tough on him/them (it’s unclear if she means just Alec or Alec and Izzy).

Alec: Mothers are like that.

Clary: Mine’s not.

Well, maybe if she’d been a liiiiittle more like Maryse you wouldn’t run about risking your life and everybody else’s in the process. I’m not talking terrible person but with just a little more rule-enforcement. That might have done you good.

Anyway, Clary invites Alec to “knock [her] on [her] ass” which draws a smile from Alec and “don’t make me say you’re right about something”. And see, this exchange makes me sad, mostly because, as @sarahsyna pointed out to me (and I fully agree) Clary and Alec could make such an interesting pair of friends, honestly. In just that exchange you can see the potential for the two of them to become the saltiest of friends and brighten this entire show with a single dynamic! But no.

What we get instead is Alec giving Clary actual, useful instructions (unlike a certain other character who nevertheless got credit for Clary’s accomplishments) and then:

Clary: Why did you let your mom say all those awful things about Izzy?

Are you planning on asking Jace that same question, Clary? Because as I recall, Alec was the one who looked affected by Izzy being slut shamed, and he was the only one to openly support Izzy’s idea to go talk to Meliorn. Jace didn’t open his mouth there, just saying. (Also: you’ve seen the woman. Did you honestly get the impression that speaking up wild have done much, if any good? Come on).

Alec: Izzy was out of bounds. The law is hard, but it’s the law. Even I forget that sometimes.

Alright, is there a law forbidding Shadowhunters from mingling with the Seelies that we haven’t been informed about? Because that would be a rather strong hint of hos racist the Clave is tbh, but only having a throwaway line about it is…weird and unrealistic? I mean. Alec has been uptight about respecting rules for the past four episodes. If Izzy having an affair with Meliorn was illegal, shouldn’t he have at least mentioned that it was at least once? It would have helped the worldbuilding too, by the way, by establishing the official racist stance of the Clave (although it would have clashed with Meliorn having a seat on the Council, as established in Ep. 3).

It’s pretty odd, honestly.

Apparently though, Clary doesn’t share my concern about potential laws forbidding intermarriages (or just love affairs) between different races/species, because this has totally never been a component of racial violence, and she just scoffs, asking if it’s why Alec “let [Maryse] send Jace out instead of [him]”. Again, I have to question Clary’s ability to analyze basically anything that goes on around her because really, where did she get the impression that Alec could have made Maryse do anything?

Alec: I screw up, I expect to be punished. I’m supposed to be a leader.

Clary: you know what a leader does Alec? Make decisions.

Thank you Clary for demonstrating once again that you’re willing to jump from one topic to the next without transition. She points out she and Alec both need to find Valentine, Alec replies that they have been trying to find him. Banter for a bit, then Clary says they can still find Valentine (despite the setbacks).

Clary then explains that Jocelyn had a box with the initials 'J.C.’ on it that she used to take out and cry over once a year. Why J.C.? Because Jocelyn used 'Jonathan Clark’ as Clary’s fake dad’s name. Personally I still sort of think it’s weird that Clary immediately assumes the box belonged to Valentine despite having no connection to him (I mean. That would imply Jocelyn kept her relics in a box where she added the initials to maintain the illusion so.) but that might be because I know the plot point behind it—it’s a ridiculous plot point, by the way. I’m sad to see it hasn’t been dropped.

Anyway, Clary wants to go back to her place so they can find the box, Alec says he won’t do it without permission—he has, after all, just been punished for following Clary around.

But remember, we had foreshadowing that everything would go to Hell in a hand basket for Alec, so this is when his phone rings. Of course, he turns away to take the call, and of course Clary uses that to sneak out from under his nose.

On the phone is Magnus (how did he get Alec’s number? What made him think it was acceptable for him to call after Alec’s major freak out the other day? I suppose we shall never know) and he opens with this:

Magnus: Alexander, hi.

I mean, alright, Alec’s reluctance to use Alexander hasn’t been established in the show yet (if they’re even planning to) but I always find it annoying when you introduce yourself as X and people decide to call you Y instead. It’s just a rude thing to do in general, honestly—and yes, knowing that book!Alec doesn’t like being called by his full name means this short line makes me pretty cranky.

Magnus wants to take Alec out for a drink “right now”, Alec notices Clary’s absence and says now’s not a good time before he hangs up.

Magnus: Playing hard to get? I love a challenge.

No Magnus, Alec is not 'playing hard to get’ he’s clearly caught up elsewhere, there’s a difference. Also what is it with people (mostly men, honestly) assuming that 'I can’t right now’ means 'keep trying’? When did we decide this was an acceptable response? Because I feel like something went very wrong there.

Anyway, Alec runs out after Clary—and the lesson here is to never trust her to act like a mature person or respect any rule ever, although honestly Alec should have learned that lesson two episodes ago in my opinion.

Cut to the Jade Wolf, a Chinese restaurant that, as we quickly learn, is the headquarter for a werewolf pack. How do we know? There’s a giant dog trap in the door, and a wolf enters through it.

Because nobody in New York is every going to worry about a wolf in the streets. And having a giant animal enter a restaurant is never going to make anyone want to call the hygiene services or anything. I mean, the CGI isn’t too bad, but the device still brings up a lot of questions that are left without an answer.

Anyway, the wolf is Alaric, who changes in the back before he goes to sit with a nameless dude who, I assume, is the current alpha of the pack. He’s also chilling among customers (presumably werewolves) who don’t seem interested in much right now.

Nameless dude: You know what the difference between the Circle and the Clave is? I don’t. Shadowhunters think they’re better than us. They’re the ones killing each others over petty disagreements.

I mean. First of all, it’s nice of you to wait until we reach you to start your extremely non-sequitur speech. It feels extremely natural and realistic for an official (ish?) meeting to begin like that. Secondly, given that the 'petty disagreement’ is whether they’ll actively massacre you and all other downworlders or not, I’m surprised you take it so well. I mean, I admit the difference in book!verse is fairly thin, but there is a difference and it feels extremely unrealistic to me that you’d call it a 'petty’ thing. But I guess I’m not a werewolf so I can’t know? Oh well.

Anyway, Alpha continues his speech by pointing out the Clave are a bunch of hypocrites (books-wise, I agree. Show-wise…I have yet to actually see this, honestly.) and then:

Nameless Alpha Dude: Yeah, maybe we don’t have angel blood—we got each other, we’re a family. A pack. We’re stronger than they’ll ever be. I say, we take the Cup for ourselves.

I mean stating the wolves are a Family is a very nice sentiment but given that Alpha Dude was introduced mid-manly sulk and is now addressing six loners-looking, disgruntled adults in a cheap diner-style restaurant, I’m going to call that a visual fail, at best. Although I guess at least they’re trying to tell us they’ll go for a realistic depiction of wolves pack, so there’s that.

Of course, this leads to Alaric giving him a picture of Clary so we know the wolves are going to try and kidnap her.

[Continue to part 02]