Review: Shadowhunters S01E05

[terresdebrume]

Episode 5: Moo-Shu to go - Part II [Part I]

Cut to Clary, as a matter of fact, as she…stands in front of the Art School she got accepted to back in Ep 1, because the possibility that she might solve her problems and go back there at the end of summer doesn’t enter her mind, probably. Also, I’m assuming the school is on the way from the Institute to Clary’s house, otherwise it’s just a needless detour.

She’s invisible, her phone rings and people automatically check theirs for no apparent reasons—maybe they just don’t know their ringtone. Or they’re secretly 80years old people with difficulties handling technology. Cue Alec coming up behind her and pointing out that not silencing her phone misses the point of an invisibility rune, which is pretty accurate. Also it seems Alec found Clary easily, which is good because it shows he’s not incompetent.

It’s Simon calling Clary and using his cold/flu metaphor again, because nerds totally don’t know the symptoms of vampiric transformation, even when they’ve literally been kidnapped by vampires a couple of days ago. Clary asks to call Simon later because “things are kind of insane right now”. Simon freaks out, Clary sums up last week’s episode in one sentence, Simon demands to know where she is. Clary explains she’s on her way to her place in order to get something, Simon freaks out again and:

Clary: I’m fine, I’m with Alec.

Simon: And those words are supposed to make me feel better how?

First of all, fuck you Simon. Secondly, I know it’s foolish of me to keep hoping we’ll get anyone actually competent on this show—seeing as they prefer to work with Mary Sue Innate Powers—but one day, just one I would still love for someone to acknowledge that the Lightwoods are supposed to know what they’re doing, alright?

Anyway, Simon says he’ll join Clary at “the old shortcut”, Alec makes a racist comment on Mundanes, and Clary asks why he always looks so miserable.

Alec: I don’t.

Clary: You do. Must be hard to be in love with Jace, I mean he’s straight and everything.

Alec: [Nervous pause] Excuse me, what?

Clary: [laughs] What’s the big deal? I was there when that memory came out. Busted. Now?

Alec: We’re parabatai.

Clary: Come on Alec just say it, you’ll feel better. You’re in love with Jace.

Tonight on “Let’s push Alec out of the closet kicking and screaming and then pretend it was for his own good”: this.

I am so very, very done with everyone and their mother trying to out Alec including the man they’re presenting as his love interest. Way to make your relationship unbalanced and really fucking dubious from the get go, show. Way to show me you don’t give a fuck about your token gay, show. (I already knew that from day one, but it’s nice of you to prove my point.) Way to re-establish your main character as an asshole, show. Way to push dangerous messages at your queer viewers, show. Way to be a fucking terrible example, show.

I mean, seriously, for everyone reading this who has a doubt: You Do NOT Out People Without Their Consent Ever. It’s Never necessary and it’s Never not a bad thing—you don’t know how things are going to turn out. You may be convinced that things 'won’t be so bad’ (actual words I’ve been told by one of my cousins) but you do not know. Even if you’re queer yourself, you don’t know how a person’s entourage will react to the news, how dangerous this could be for the person you’re outing, etc. And if you’re a straight person you especially don’t know what coming out entail and you have no business making that decision for anyone, even a fictional character.

Anyway, the argument ends up on a poor repartee from Alec (given the circumstances, I can’t blame him) and then:

Clary: Alec, we have a real problem to solve.

Fuck you, Clary, this is a real problem for Alec because homophobia is a real problem and your insistence to drag Alec out if the closet is a real problem. People like you are the reason queer people say things like 'Straight people are obsessed with coming out’ and honestly it needs to stop.

Cut to…sunset over New York, and then Meliorn in some sort of new-age-like ritual in the middle of his sex tent. Or, well, just tent, given that the bed is gone now. He’s mourning someone, most likely the Seelie Scouts we saw Valentine kill during episode 4. there are butterflies. It’s pretty. He looks more concerned than sad but maybe he didn’t know the scouts personally.

Enter Isabelle with Jace in tow.

Meliorn: Isabelle. I see you brought a friend.

Isabelle: More like a brother.

You’ve already said that Izzy. The more you insist, the less believable it sounds.

There’s some banter and sexual tension between Izzy and Meliorn and then cut to Chernobyl so…pointless scene, and we’re back to Clare’s trademark POV-Hopping. I didn’t miss that.

Anyway, the Chernobyl set looks as drab as ever, but this time with an additional dozen people or so, and Valentine talking:

Valentine: Medicine has failed you. Humankind has failed you. [In Russian:] I offer you hope and a chance at a better life. [In English] An improved life, may the bravest of you step forward. Take the Mark of the Angel and live a life with a future again.

So where do I start with this? The blatant manipulation of mentally ill people like they’re inexpensive? The gratuitous foreign language, as if it made anything more intense/better/more dramatic? The fact that the people Valentine’s talking to (almost all men, unless I missed something) look like this:

[Image: In Russia, psychiatric wards dress their patient in WWII-era pajamas. Because Russia doesn’t have detergent or something. Credit: screencapped.net]

One of the men steps forward and is shoved to the ground—in case you haven’t gotten the memo that Valentine doesn’t give a fuck about anybody’s life—and marked with a Circle Rune. Which, as has been established, is probably going to make him actually mad with pain. At least there’s screaming.

Then Valentine has his men inject the newly-runed dude with Seelie blood…possibly so they’ll become lethal stink-bombs like Pangborn last week? I don’t know. There’s no obvious reason for it (since Downworlders are no more suited to runes than mundanes) and we aren’t given one at all so…eh. One more bit of nonsense on this show. We should probably be used to it by now.

Valentine: You will be more than Forsaken. [In more gratuitous Russian:] You will be free.

Again, that makes zero sense and I don’t get why this show thought torturing mentally ill people was a good idea to establish their villain. It’s not like mentally ill people are actually mistreated on a regular basis in real life, right? Oh wait! They are! And there’s a word for it: it’s called ableism and it sucks. Fuck you, show.

Cut to an extremely tagged backyard (behind some sort of commercial local) where Clary is only just joining Simon. One dramatic hug later, Simon reassures Clary that he’s “up to this” (this being getting a box from Clary’s home) and points out his 'cold’ isn’t the end of the world.

Alec: World’s been ending for a thousand years. You get used to it.

Honestly I never get tired of “this major crisis is actually part of my everyday life” trope. It pleases me.

Anyway, they’re planning on reaching the loft through a back alley. Alec says they need to move quickly because every one in the Shadow World is after Clary (partially true, in that so far the crisis seems very Brooklyn-centered) and there are eyes everywhere (also partially true, given that only one vampire clan and one werewolf pack is involved for now. Shadowhunters have a tendency to be  a little too self-involved, what else is new.)

Simon: I guarantee you no one’s gonna find this shortcut, I used to take it back in middle school to see Clary. You might know the Shadow World but, trust me, I know Brooklyn.

First of all, if Simon figured out this 'secret’ shortcut back in middle school, chances are the whole neighborhood knows it. I know kids are very happy to think they have big secrets and know secret places and stuff but realistically, it’s actually fairly rare for them to actually be the first ones to discover them. Usually that kind of thing is 'discovered’ once a generation, which means anyone who’s been around for over five years is going to know about it.

Also that remark on knowing Brooklyn is ridiculous because, as Simon seems to have forgotten, Downworlders live in Brooklyn, too, and Shadowhunters probably have to come here every so often on missions—unless you’re telling me demons have magically avoided Brooklyn for some reason, but in that case you’d still get Nephilim coming in order to investigate.

Anyway, Simon then goes and jumps over a wall that looks about two meters high and Clary’s reaction seems to be along the line of 'woah, when did he train’. No reaction shot of Alec because apparently he doesn’t find it suspicious that a dude went from no sports (that we know of) to jumping two meters without problem in less than three days.

We follow Simon to the fire escape of Clary’s building (super secret access. Jocelyn probably had a good laugh or two watching Simon climb up there thinking he was being extra stealthy tbh.) the group starts climbing:

Clary: Have you been doing parkour or something?

One day, this show will find a way to give you lines that do not make you sound stupid. Maybe.

Alec is understandably unimpressed by the super secret shortcut or by Clary and Simon’s complimenting each other about it. This is Shadowhunters however, so he has to say it in the most offensive way possible because even decent characters have to be assholes once in a while.

The walls are covered in runes, which Clary can see now that the spell on her Sight is gone. More importantly, Simon can see them too.

Simon: Yo Clary. What are all these tags?

Runes, Simon. They’re runes. You know this: you’ve seen them back in the Institute. Just because I know you’re stupid doesn’t mean the show should confirm that. Alec is surprised Simon can see the runes and ask when Simon got the Sight. Which is supposed to be innate. But we’re not investigating that further because the writers reaaaaally want Simon to have superpowers without having to bother with pesky things like having a problem with sunlight or anything.

A couple lines on how tragic the loss of Clary’s former life is and then Simon just tears the back door off its hinges.

500000000 subtle hints that Simon is turning into a vampires later someone might actually catch on — @talysalankil​

They enter the loft, which Jo torched in ep 1. Small nostalgia moment for Clary (actually a nice touch, for once) in which she says there’s nothing left of her there. Alec points out Jocelyn was protecting her, Clary goes 'well, fat lot of good that did’. I mean, she’s been defending and praising her mother for four episodes, but when Alec points out Jocelyn was trying to protect her, Clary suddenly turns bitter? I’m actually impressed at the dedication the writers put in trying to make Alec unsympathetic despite his recurring character status.

Alec: You’re alive, aren’t you?

Yes, thank you for being the voice of reason. However, we don’t want that, so it’s time for Simon finding a loose floorboard using his super hearing. Which we’re not commenting about either, btw, because competent people are boring and Alec is not enough of a protag to guess Simon is turning into a vampire anyway.

They find the JC box there (a reused movie prop), which begs the question: why did Jocelyn keep the box in Clary’s room if she didn’t want Clary to know anything about that? I mean, other than it being plot convenient? Because aside from the plot requirement, it’s actually pretty stupid. JSYK.

They open the box, which doesn’t contain anything useful, and then there’s a breaking glass noise so…Alec exits the apartment. Because apparently he hasn’t learned anything from leaving Simon alone in the van a couple episodes back. I mean sure, leave the useless people alone, that’s bound to turn out perfectly, right?

Of course not.

Alec gets to the backyard, his quiver poofs into existence over his shoulder (How? What? Why? We don’t need an explanation, I guess) and a couple shot of a wolf later we cut to Clary and Simon being shoved in a black car. Because leaving them alone in the apartment was bound to turn out well.

Like. Leaving Clary and Simon in the room makes some sense: as @sarahsyna​ pointed out to me, they knew Clary’s bedroom was clear and therefore safe (ish, if you except the window). But leaving the apartment altogether? Have you learned nothing, Alec?

One distressed!babbu Alec shot later, we cut to Izzy and Jace in Meliorn’s tent.

Right where we left them. Or so it seems. I mean, the conversation literally could have paused for an hour and we wouldn’t notice the difference.

There’s Izzy/Meliorn banter in which Meliorn evades all of Izzy’s question (which, by the way, he also did last time. Her only moments of “’'empowerment”“ are when she’s seducing Meliorn and she’s being played straight through them. So nice.) and then Jace points out that the butterflies floating around mean Seelies are mourning.

Meliorn: How do you know our customs?

Isabelle: Apparently I’m not the only Shadowhunter who enters the company of [a/the] Fair folk

Meliorn: Maybe if more Shadowhunters exhibited such good taste, things would be different today.

What a conveniently self-serving compliment to Jace, Meliorn.

Anyway, Jace guesses the Scouts are dead and Izzy says that if that’s true, Valentine needs to be stopped. Which kind of makes it sound like he didn’t before, but we’re not exactly counting illogical lines anymore, are we?

Isabelle: Why leave the protection of the Accords now when there’s a threat?

Meliorn: Perhaps the Accords don’t provide equal protection for all Shadow Realms. Perhaps all threats all of us the same way.

I mean Meliorn has a point but, as Jace points out, valentine threatens everyone. Not to mention, of course, that he threatens  Downworlders more than Shadowhunters. So idk but maybe seceding isn’t the best of ideas right now, which should really make Jace & Izzy tick (although I guess their racism is preventing them from seeing that).

The conversation ends on Jace & Meliorn being ominous/vaguely threatening at each other, and then Jace’s phone rings with a text from Alec.

Jace: Dammit Alec.

Isabelle: What?

Jace: Clary snuck out of the Institute.

Isabelle: And yet you’re blaming our brother? Fascinating.

Don’t act like you’re surprised Izzy, everything gets blamed on the two of you eventually.

Cut to Alec tossing some trash around in Clary’s burned bedroom. Jace & Izzy join him, Jace with some barely restrained aggressiveness and Izzy with lines that don’t speak well of her deductive abilities (“What do you mean, gone?”). Alec mentions Simon then admits that he got distracted (because he’s a responsible adult like that) and of course Jace looks super pissed.

Jace: What did you do, Alec?

Ran after you girlfriend because she thinks all instructions are just challenges to be met or something.

Cut to Clary & Simon being dragged into the Jade Wolf by Alaric and Alpha Dude. Luke calls Alaric, Alpha dude tells him to ignore it, it’s kind of pointless.

Cut to Jace trying to track Clary, but it doesn’t work.

Jace: We need to parabatai-track.

This is an actual line from the actual show. I can’t believe it either.

Anyway. They track, it doesn’t work, and Jace scolds Alec for not concentrating. Except wen they try again it still doesn’t work.

Izzy announces that Clary wasn’t arrested, and Jace jumps at Alec’s throat:

Jace: It was YOUR job to look after her.

Alec: I did my best Jace.

Jace: Then maybe your mother was right and your best just isn’t good enough.

Alec and Izzy protest at the same time which thank you because this is probably one of Jace’s most despicable lines in the show (tho it’s still behind having Clary get molested for no reason). I mean what the fuck, so much for the support, for one, and also fuck you Jace, maybe if Clary didn’t run off on her own at the first occasion we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.

Alec: Are you so blinded by your feelings for Clary you’ve lost sight of us?

Jace: [Angry constipated look]

I mean it’s not like there was much to lose in the first place but it’s still a good point that will not be addressed because this franchise hates me. Also it should be noted that I hate everything about the Lightwood family dynamics already, and Robert is entering the picture next week. Oh boy.

Anyway, Alec explains that Clary snuck out, he ran after her “I did nothing you [Jace] haven’t done a thousand times before”.

Jace: Yes you did. You lost her.

DUDE. I know Alec should have known better than to leave Clary and Simon alone and I’m not advocating for him to face zero consequences but to be honest any kind of criticism from Jace is grating because he’s an asshole 100% of the time and yet he parades around telling people off for doing damage control after he and the red-headed hurricane fucked shit up. And the worst part is that the show is going to frame Jace as being right (by not having him face consequences for being an asshole, among other things) and expect us to side with him.

And frankly I am so done with media trying to cram selfish dickheads down my throat as some sort of romantic ideal I just want to slap this stupid trope out of existence tbh.

Ahem.

Cut to Clary and Simon just as Alaric walks them through the Jade Wolf’s door (it’s still daytime, btw).

Simon: Why do I keep getting kidnapped?

Clary: Not to be self-centered, but I think it’s me they’re after.

The proper answer to this, of course, is that Simon keeps getting kidnapped because his book counterpart is narratively useless and show!him is…well, he’s useless too, so far. (Unless you count 'being the douchey ~friendzoned~ friend part of the love triangle’ as something useful, but I don’t). as for Clay it’s kind of a pity she even says this because it’s one of the few instances in her being self-centered is 100% justified. As opposed to, you know, that time she tortured Hodge for information (she looked vaguely sad but she still went through it), or the time when she saw Alec & Izzy being lambasted for not following the rules and immediately decided to…force them to break the rules again. There’s being in a bad emotional position and then there’s being an egoist asshole, and Clary crossed the line, honestly.

Clary and Simon get seated and Alpha Dude (still without a name) as well as Alaric take a seat in front of them.

Clary: Alaric, did you arrest us for trespassing or something? Because newsflash, I was in my own apartment.

Honestly the day this show stops putting having a good zinger above dialogue coherence and/or characterization it will take an enormous step forward. This is something Clare did in her book too, and it’s a stupid writing decision because all it does is give you messy characterization and, in the worst cases, make your characters sound stupid (like the above) or like assholes. Or like stupid assholes, that happens too.

There’s more useless (and unrealistic) banter then Alaric goes 'I know you’re scared of Luke, he’s trying to find you, I had to keep you safe’ which sounds as plausible as you’d expect, given that he’s just kidnapped Clary and that he immediately goes on to demand she gave him the Mortal Cup.

Obviously Clary tells him she doesn’t know where the Cup is (given that she really doesn’t) and Alpha Dude doesn’t like it at all so he goes for the violent fashion.

He threatens to kill Simon, Clary tries to convince him she doesn’t now where the Cup is, and since we really need Alpha Dude to be established as a complete an irredeemable asshole, he does the illogical thing and assumes Clary is still lying, even when he presumably knows she was raised as a Mundane.

Geeze, he mentioned being a family at the beginning but honestly, this feels more like a mob boss than anything else…although the mob does get nicknamed 'The Family’ sometimes so maybe that was intentional. Or something.

Luckily, for now Alpha Dude is just showing muscles and so Simon is only imprisoned. Alpha Dude threatens to send Gretel (a character from the book) to tear Simon apart if Clary doesn’t give up the Cup (Gretel, btw, is in full wolf form and growling at this point) so Clary lies and says the Cup is hidden in her flat, in the place where they found the KC box.

I mean, she grabs the obvious ball for a bit before she does it, but it’s actually a pretty smart move on her part because she’s buying time for Alec & the others to come save her. I wish we’d get more moments of Clary using her brain to survive instead of being as rude and ridiculous as the writers can make her, honestly.

Cut to Simon, hanging by his feet from the ceiling.

Simon: This? Again? Again?

I think this is supposed to be funny but all it does is remind me how much Simon has had no use so far except being kidnapped and giving Clary terrible advice. Not a good way to make me care about fortunately, Simon is now functionally a vampire without the ugly bits, so he just breaks his handcuffs (sounding vaguely surprised) and ruffles through some lockers behind hi, where he finds a lighter and a phone. (Which reminds me: The Lightwoods have phones. Why didn’t one of them just add Clary on find my friend earlier? Or even just try to track her phone? Not everything has to be done through homoerotic subtext and obnoxious fighting, you know.)

The phone has batteries, so now Simon is wondering who to call.

Cut to Jace, Izzy and Alec as Jace explains that the tracking rune didn’t work earlier because Clary must be near a body of water. The phrasing is a little awkward for someone talking to people who should know this but it works as viewer-oriented exposition so I’ll forgive it.

Clary’s phone rings (alright, so maybe find my friend wouldn’t have worked this time, but it’d still be a sensible decision on principle) and, as Jace answers, we cut back to Simon.

Jace asks where Simon is, Simon rants & manages to find a prospectus with the name & address of the restaurant, then Jace tells Simon to create a diversion.

Simon: How, all I have are clothes and a lighter!

Jace: Start a fire Simon.

Simon: That never works, have you ever seen an action movie?

Simon, you’re supposed to be the nerd on this show. You of all people should know that action movie heroes can create rocket launchers out of potatoes and a shoelace—the trick totally works in action movies (and this show). Where it doesn’t work is real life, because regular lighters are pretty much useless to set anything but paper/candles/firestarters aflame.

Cut to the outside of the Jade wolf at night…and look, at this point this stylistic choice is ridiculous.

Like, all the action scenes have been set at night so far, even when it completely fucks up the chronology of things. Case in point: it’s now night as Alpha Dude prowls and asks what’s taking Alaric so long, but then when we jump back to Simon (still night) he’s only just actioning the lighter? So what, did he spend three hours standing and staring at nothing until he noticed there was a way to manually start the fire alarm? Because that wouldn’t speak well of his intelligence either tbh.

Anyway, the alarm goes off so Alpha Dude take Clary out—as the Shadowhunters should have anticipated, really. I mean. Even Simon could have guessed that maybe the werewolves wouldn’t calmly wait for flames to appear but move out of the building, thereby negating the advantage Jace & co got when Simon transmitted his location. Too bad. Alpha dude locks Clary into a freight container and goes back to the fighting.

Clary then frees herself with a conveniently placed rune, and I guess Kat McNamara’s expression is supposed to imply the rune 'comes to Clary’ or something? I mean, that’s how the book justified her using Runes without any form of training, and it’s not like there’s any other possible explanation, but still. It’s not like they establish that very clearly, even from a visual standpoint.

The door opens to reveal Luke in all his Old Spice glory (but not shirtless) and he immediately proceeds to act as menacing as possible:

Luke, in a dramatic tone: I finally found you Clary.

Aka the writers of this episode either forgot or chose to ignore that Luke has been established as genuinely caring for Clary in the past. Just in case the audience forgot.

Obviously, the drama combined with Clary believing Luke’s lie about not caring for her (back in episode…one, I think?) means we get the classical 'don’t touch me you’re evil’ reaction. Tho to this Luke’s credit he explains he as lying right away, instead of going the movie route and making things  sound even worse than they are.

This goes on for a bit until Luke gets fed up and tosses Clary over his shoulder. Clary is so pissed she doesn’t struggle at all—although the way she’s held, it would be ridiculously easy for her to just slide off—and Luke looks about to get her out of the fray when Jace and Alec appear at the end of an alley.

Jace kicks Luke in the knees, Alec catches Clary, Jace knocks Luke out, and they run off to find Simon.

Cut to Simon chocking in the fumes from the fire-alarm (despite a huge windowless opening right behind him, which he could use to breathe even if it’s barred) when Izzy comes to the rescue.

Izzy: I’m getting seriously tired of saving your life.

Simon, with an awestruck expression: I’m not.

I still hate Simon but it’s good that someone in this show treats Izzy with proper appreciation. If he keeps going that way I might end up a little less salty about show!Sizzy than I am about book!Sizzy (but now I’ve said it so it’s probably jinxed, sorry).

Cut to the reunion scene with the customary Clary/Simon hug while Jace looks pissed in the back ground, because if the Clace Hammer can’t strike they will still find ways to club you over the head with this love triangle.

Jace: I hate to break up this little reunion but we got a bunch of werewolves trying to kill us so maybe we should get going?

You’re fooling no one Jace, everybody knows you just want Clary and Simon to stop touching. Nobody comments on it though, and Clary says they have to retrieve the JC box from her flat.

Alec: We’ve got it, I didn’t screw up everything.

This is the one we’re constantly disproving ladies an gentlemen. I mean yes, he’s bitter and salty and frankly rude to Clary because he’s jealous as fuck, but he’s also the only character so far who shows a modicum of common sense and owns up to his mistakes. And somehow we’re supposed to think he and his sister are the worst of the bunch. Ugh, show, I hate the way you treat the Lightwoods so much.

They’re about to leave when Izzy points out that they’re surrounded by growling werewolves.

We get an Avengers-style circle shot again as everybody prepares to fight, but before Alpha Dude can really attack them, wolf!Luke comes in to defend them and Kills Alpha Dude. He then transforms back using a special effect that has the merit to be unique & tie werewolves to demonic magic (even if I’m personally not a fan).

The other wolves (who remained conveniently motionless through the whole thing, just in case you didn’t know Luke was meant to become the Alpha) start howling and changing back to human forms so they can dramatically stand on boxes like a grunge-ish teen band of the 2000s

[Image: “Bitch just killed my Alpha”, the Moo-Shu Wolves’ newest single]

And then they kneel in front of Luke.

Clary: What’s happening?

Jace: When a werewolf kills the Alpha leader he becomes the new Alpha. Your friend Luke’s the leader of the pack now.

First of all, so much for portraying the pack as a family—not that I really hoped they’d go for a realistic depiction of wolves dynamics, but you know. It was worth waiting to see where they were going.

Also, Luke is wounded, but in a sexy way.

[Luke: I’m the Alpha now. Picture from screencapped.net]

But don’t worry, before he faint he manages to get a badass one-liner:

Luke: Clary, I promised your mother I’d always protect you.

Clary rushes to his side, Jace tries to go with her but Alec stops him:

Alec: Hey. We need to get Clary back to the Institute and stay out of Downworlders business.

Jace: Why don’t you stay out of [it]? I’m gonna help Clary.

Alec: We have to report back to our mother.

Jace: You and Isabelle can do that. I’ll be fine on my own.

Again, Alec makes sense and, again, we’re gonna punish him for it. Also, notice how Jace doesn’t feel the need to obey Maryse’ rules: that’s what you get when you make the asshole your obvious favorite. He gets worse.

Jace goes to Clary and says that only a warlock’s magic can cure an alpha’s bite—which begs the question: why? Are alpha werewolves venomous? Do they have some special effects that only work on werewolves? I mean, they could have said Luke’s wound were too deep and he needed medicine beyond what science has to offer. It would have worked just as well. But they had to introduce this line, and now we’re left with one more question without an answer.

Anyway, Clary immediately declares they have to get Luke to Magnus which…he is the only warlock she knows, so that kind of makes sense. It makes less sense that both she and Jace assume Magnus will help without payment, but something tells me it won’t be the last time.

A couple of Love Triangle Shots later, everyone finally gets moving to get Luke in his car, leaving the Lightwoods behind (as usual, unfortunately).

Isabelle, in a toneless/annoyed voice: Are you two okay?

Alec: I don’t know.

See, what I like about this is that Isabelle’s line could also be taken as her mocking/lampshading Jace being an asshole (it gives life to my fantasy of having the Lightwoods siblings ditch Jace and everyone who shat on them so they can go be badasses together).

What I like a lot less is that, of course, the line has to be made about the dudes because—I don’t know if you noticed—but there was no occasion to get Izzy in her underwear in this episode so her number of lines got cut by half, at least. I’m sorry, Emeraude Toubia, you definitely deserve a better show.

Clary tells Luke she never should have doubted him—which is taking the argument too far, honestly—and Luke says he and Jocelyn should never have lied to Clary about the Shadow world.

Because you know, toddler!Clary would totally have kept the secret without problem, and nobody wold have asked question if she’d maintained she could see fairies and demons her mom had to protect her from.

I mean, there are many things that could be improved in Luke & Jo’s plan, but getting rid of it altogether wouldn’t have been a sensible solution either and frankly, I’m getting tired of this franchise treating every single issue in absolutes.

Oh my god. This show is a Sith Lord.

[Image: Obi-Wan Kenobi, profoundly disappointed at the writers’ of Shadowhunters’ life choices.]

Then they get Luke to the car, there’s a dramatic shot of Jace and Alec staring at each other, and the episode ends on a fakeout for Luke. As if anyone really thinks there’s a risk he’s gonna die